JESSICA SIMPSON ARRIVES AT COWBOYS CAMP; …
Jessica Simpson arrives at Cowboys camp; …
Jessica Simpson arrives at Cowboys camp; accompanied by some quarterback whose name I forget. [KISS 96.1]
Source: feeds.gawker.com
To Watch Tonight [Stuff To Watch]
What to check after you’re hurled across the gym by the coefficient machine …
• Boxing: Light welterweights, Jose Luis Castillo vs. Sebastian Lujan, at El Cajon, Calif. (9 p.m., ET). Castillo’s nickname is “El Terrible,” which I suppose can be taken two structure … [ESPN2]
• MLB: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee (8 p.m., ET). Those brats countenance about finished to you? [ESPN]
• MLB: Angels at Red Sox (7:10 p.m., ET). We recognize our new Anaheim/Los Angeles/California overlords. [FSN] [NESN]
Source: feeds.gawker.com
Deadline period instruction
There are artefact too some rumors on the cyberspace today. With beatific reason, of course, since today is the Major League Baseball trading deadline. So I’ve got to ready you conversant on what’s feat on and provide you some reading material patch you move for some of the rumors to either become facts […]
There are artefact too some rumors on the cyberspace today. With beatific reason, of course, since today is the Major League Baseball trading deadline. So I’ve got to ready you conversant on what’s feat on and provide you some reading material patch you move for some of the rumors to either become facts or fiction.
Jayson Stark at ESPN.com has a enthusiastic read about “Winners and losers at the time that were short-lived.” I still remember #9. I thought Randy President would displace the Houston Astros all the artefact to a World Series championship. Man, would I same to go back and attain that trade not happen. If only the ‘Stros had Carlos Guillen and Freddy Garcia when they were in their prime!
The river City Star has an article in today’s newspaper titled “Baseball history shows that trade-deadline deals offer restricted help at a high cost,” cursive by Sam Mellinger. The article has a BIG picture of Pudge. Hmm….
Even TheStreet.com is effort in on the trading deadline action. They put out a beatific read called “MainStreet: Baseball Trades Mean Big Bucks.”
Dan at Connolly’s Corner Sports Bar (a Baltimore Sun blog) is asking what would you do with martyr Sherrill at the deadline?
This Philadelphia Phillies fan says the Phils “whiffed” by not trading for Ivan Rodriguez…. Really? Talk to the city Tigers about that.
Tags: baseball, links, mlb, stories, trades, trading deadline
Source: feeds.b5media.com
Gourmet Spud’s Thursday Afternoon CFL D###-Joke Free Jambor-eh [Gourmet Spud]
Drew Magary is off this hebdomad on a well-deserved, court-ordered “vacation”. Filling in for Deadspin’s juggernaut featured editorialist is Gourmet “Who?” Spud, one of Deadspin’s new weekend swing editors, a frequent commentor, and 1/4 of the team over at Food Court Lunch. He also helped your gran interbreed the street terminal week. Image and original art below by angry intellectual twoeightnine.
As we sweat our artefact through these canid life of summer, the most ordinary upset I hear from sports fans is, “man, is football season ever feat to start?” Colour me confused, because I can’t figure out what the heck they are talking about! Why, we are already a third of the artefact through the schedule, and with all eight teams vying for only seven playoff spots, the action is hotter than August in Alberta (average temperature: 14 degrees Celsius, 57 degrees Fahrenheit)!
That’s right, pigskin fans - time to intend your football fix with the Thursday Afternoon CFL D###-Joke Free Jambor-eh. It’s like that other column, only with one inferior down, 100% inferior cussin’, and the politeness cranked all the artefact up to eleven! Think of it as “Balls Deep”, only with bigger (foot)balls!
Seat-belts on, everyone, we’re about to put some kilometres under our belts!
Seriously, put your seat-belts on. Safety is everyone’s responsibility.
The Games
All games in the Jambor-eh are evaluated for sheer watchability on a scale of 1 to 5…wait a minute, what’s that say? Throwgasms?!? My word, is that football surrounded by (whispers) semen? Well, that won’t do at all. Let’s try this again:
All games in the Jambor-eh are evaluated for sheer watchability on a scale of 1 to 5 Youppis.
Note: In the Northern tradition of body and equality, all games are allocated the same number of Youppis.
Three Youppis
Hamilton Tiger Cats at Montreal Alouettes
The storied rivalry between these two franchises is as much about the cities they represent as it is about football. By artefact of analogy for American readers, if Hamilton is Pittsburgh, Montreal would be Los Angeles. Hamilton, producer of 60% of Canada’s steel, prides itself on its blue-collar values, its never-crowded libraries and its mafia. Conversely, Montreal is the Canadian epicentre of cuisine, sex and celebrity sightings. Attend any presented Alouette game and you are more than probable to catch a looking of such Canadian luminaries as former Prime Minister Jean Chrétien, NHL Hall of Famer Jean Béliveau, Quebec Premier Jean Charest and celebrity blogger Jean-Elliott Skeets.
And don’t think that the ramifications of this game are restricted to civic pride. Montreal currently sits in first place, but a expiration would eliminate them from the playoffs. Meanwhile, a Hamilton intend would all but guarantee that they won’t go bankrupt for at small another week.
Winnipeg Blue Bombers at Buffalo Bil…er, Toronto Argonauts
I springy in Toronto, so I’ll be attending this one in person, and to say I’m excited would be an understatement. Let’s see: Friday night game in mid-summer? Roof of the Rogers Centre open? The potential for an encore performance from a blindfolded Ashley? “Heck” and “Yes”!
BC Lions at Edmonton Eskimos
Not much that can be said about this game that hasn’t already been beaten to modification by the mainstream media (is friend Allen retired? Is he not retired? Make up your mind already!). So I’ll meet use this space to tell a story about a disorderly night I once had in Edmonton.
Edmonton is a big student town, and I don’t have to tell you that it can intend pret-ty wild. Back when I was still in school, I went out there to meet some friends, and we definite to head out downtown. Our night got off to a bit of a rough start, as we waited in distinction at the bar for forty-five minutes. We probably could have gotten in earlier, as the bouncer was my friend’s junior brother, but we didn’t feel right selection the line. Anyway, I didn’t mind, because we were standing behind this assemble of girls, one of whom I couldn’t take my eyes off of. I mean, you could meet tell that, under the Ski-Doo jacket, she was smoking hot.
Now I’m admittedly not the world’s smoothest guy, but sometimes the stars meet align for you, you know? It so happened that these girls were out of chew and, as phenomenon would have it, I had a fresh tin of Wintergreen in my pocket. Needless to say, it was on. The next two and a half hours were a blur of Caesars, playful arm-punching and singing along with the Tragically Hip counterbalance band. We were having so much fun that before I knew it, we were splitting street-vendor poutine, I was shaking her hand goodnight (to answer your next question - yes, she lingered), and she was gone. I never saw her again, but every time I intend through Edmonton, I can’t help but think of that night and smile.
God, I miss University.
Chilliwack Softwoods at Moosejaw Roughriders
Like every time these two teams intend together, this game is shaping up to be a real mis-match. We undergo Moosejaw module become out fiery and ready to grind. And even though Chilliwack’s sheer size should attain this an attractive match-up, they meet have that frustrating tendency to shrink when the pressure is on. The Softwoods’ problem? If you ask me, it’s obligation of preparation. Granted, they aren’t the youngest team, but that’s still no excuse for not being ready to go. If the ‘Wack don’t become out fired up for this one, expect still another in a string of embarrassing performances.
Pregame Song That Makes Me Want to Play It At A Level That Pumps Me Up But Is Still Respectful Of My Neighbours
“If It Feels Good Do It”, by Sloan. I can’t quite figure out what exactly the “it” in this song’s title is referring to, but my hunch tells me it’s smoking marijuana. It’s practically jural here, you know. You see, Canada recognizes that there are better places to allocate restricted police and penal resources than on protection up teenagers meet for carrying around a few grams of pot.
Anyways, no big deal.
Five Potential attorney Injuries
Mike O’Shea (knee)
king Boston (defence wounds (beaver))
Anthony Calvillo (rickets)
Jesse Lumsden (rickets)
Bethel President (rickets)
This Week’s Regicide Pick
Last week’s regicide pool pick of the Las Vegas Posse was incorrect, as I’ve been conversant that the team folded after their speech 1994 season. My bad. This hebdomad we are feat with the San Antonio Texans Shreveport Pirates Sacramento Gold Miners Baltimore Stallions Birmingham Barracudas Memphis Mad Dogs Ottawa Roughriders Ottawa Renegades.
This week’s method of committing regicide is hiding in Her Majesty The Queen’s closet patch act a Shrek mask, inactivity for her to become fetch her eveningwear and/or sceptre, and scaring her. And between you and me, I’m hoping this is the one that finally does it. Don’t intend me wrong, I’m sure she’s a nice lady. But it’s tricky to become up with a assorted artefact to finish off the same person every week, you know? I’ve literally got boxershorts full of ideas for Charles, and I am running out of room in my apartment.
Gametime Snack of the Week
The ikon associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.
Smarties.
Recipe: Take an M&M. Remove the “M”. Also remove the colourful marketing campaigns with the Red and Yellow characters that kids love. Add puzzles to the packaging, because children poverty their fling food to attain them feel stupid. Sprinkle with feelings of resentment and amount brought on by your second-rate British version of the better American product. Enjoy.
Getting a package of Smarties when you asked for M&M’s was the childhood version of your lover asking you what you desired for your birthday, saying you desired an iPod, and effort a “Zune” because the salesman at Best Buy, “said it was the better technology.” And then, rather than exchange it and risk hurting her feelings, you ready it, even though you can’t use it with iTunes, and strangers countenance at you on the subway same you are holding Gordon Gekko’s cell phone from “Wall Street”…
…Aw jeez, I’m effort bummed out meet thinking about this. Time for some of the ol’ “Canadian Zoloft”…
Gametime Cheap Beer of the Week
Carling Light. At $27 for a 2-4, it’s the brew of choice for broke high schoolers and those unfortunate enough to find themselves in need of our big social assistance program. Try mixing it with Clamato juice. That’s clam humour mixed with tomato juice. It’s called a Red Eye, and it’s delicious. What’s that you say? THAT’S DISGUSTING, YOU SAY!?! WELL…you’re entitled to your opinion. Carry on.
Gratuitous Trailer Park Boys Quote
Bubbles (re: his home-made rocket): Can it fly? Does the tin-man have a sheet-metal cock?*
Halftime Kit to Help You…You Know. I’ll Giggle If You Make Me Say It.
For the guys: Pamela Anderson. Sorry, no link. Apparently, there aren’t any pictures of her on-line. I’m as surprised as you are.
For the ladies: by overwhelming demand, former Canadian P.M. Pierre Trudeau, act a cape. I’ll never understand you gals and your Count character fantasies.
For gays and lesbians: Your spouse. Enjoy your right to have your fuck recognized in the eyes of the law!
Our Pregame Quote To Help Us Realize Just How Good We’ve All Got It
“Kids are starving in India, and you’re travel around with a sombrero full of peanuts.”
- Tripper
Enjoy the games, buddies! Drew’s back next week.
*Alright. One investigator joke.
Source: feeds.gawker.com
Man Reminds People Of Kevin Costner Movie Character. Sad, Really [Bull Durham]
Mike DiFelice believes Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. He believes there ought to be a essential amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. He believes in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, and that following the future Apocalypse, the concern module be awninged with liquid and some people module amend gills. Um wait, criminal movie.
DiFelice is also the 39-year-old catcher for the Class AAA Durham Bulls.
“Whatever you do, I wouldn’t bring up Crash Davis,” warns Matt DeMargel, the Bulls’ administrator of media relations. Twenty eld after the release of “Bull Durham,” the team roster happens to allow a 39-year-old player, DiFelice, who bears some similarities to the Kevin Costner character.
Plays for Bulls. Check.
A catcher. Check.
Nearing end of career. Check.
Mentors teen pitching prospect. Check.
DiFelice hit .389 in 10 exhibition games with the Tampa Bay Rays, but was sent to Durham anyway. A lowercase miffed, the first period he arrived he warned his teammates not to call him Crash. To this day, only his spouse can intend away with it. “We have a very sarcastic relationship,” said Tish DiFelice.
DiFelice has eight eld and 94 life of major-league service; he began with the Cardinals in 1996, and hit .307 for Tampa Bay in ‘99. This assemblage he’s hitting .219 with the Bulls. So all that remains is for him to start a mediocre rock band, and he’s pretty much got it covered.
Bulls Catcher Shuns Comparisons [Charlotte News And Observer]
Source: feeds.gawker.com
Parents name their newborn twins Brett and …
Parents name their newborn twins Brett and Favre, because they were sad that their hero was retiring. But now that he’s reaching back, do they rename them Trent and Dilfer? [Fan IQ].
Source: feeds.gawker.com
Shawn Kemp Cashing in On Rising Euro; Has Offer From Team in Italia [Shawn Kemp]
There are a pair of surprises here, first, Shawn Kemp is only 40. Surprising only because Kemp has a girl who’s 32. Second, an European basketball team called Premiata Montegranaro has offered him a contract. Of instruction this report comes via Ball Don’t Lie (via The Sport Count) who claims that this article reports that. Only the article is in Italian. And my mom’s basement doesn’t have a pocket European translator.
So I’ll meet assume all this is true. Which is awesome. Because Shawn Kemp has been no stranger to the ladies in America—a land with sexual harassment laws. Can you envisage what Kemp can do in Italy? A land where sexually harassing women is the national past-time? Only beatific things can happen from this. Well, assuming the pasta isn’t unlimited. Only beatific non-pasta things. Thank you Italy.
Italian MetroNews [Italy newspaper]
Has Europe gotten it right for once? [The Sport Count]
The NBA euro exodus continues… [Ball Don’t Lie]
Source: feeds.gawker.com
It’s Brett Favre Training Camp Eve! [Brett Favre]
Less than 24 hours remain before Brett Favre is probable to attain his entry at training camp with Green Bay. And to think, there were some who desired him to stay retired. This is feat to be wild; a media circus the likes of which river has never witnessed. It’ll be same Christmas and your birthday rolled into one, only with more Mason Crosby. What module Brett do? Will Aaron Rodgers snap his ankle during the first windsprint? Will Favre’s first pass be aimed at Ted Thompson’s crotch? How some fans module show up? Can I still reserve a tent? I undergo I’m not effort any sleep tonight.
On weekday Packers President and CEO Mark Murphy met with Favre in Hattiesburg, Miss., and reportedly offered the quarterback $20 million over 10 eld to go away and stay retired; an offer which Favre refused. This meet blows me away; is there a precedent? $2 million a season not to play? Ryan Leaf module do that for $200!
Favre wants to play, and his best chance for effort a new team is to show up at training camp and force Thompson’s hand. Favre’s presence at practices surely module create a charged atmosphere with the iconic quarterback and his successor, Aaron Rodgers, on the same field, and a rapt and emotionally participating public attending the workouts.
Roger Goodell has not still approved Favre’s faxed request to be reinstated to the Packers, but that’s expected today. I think it would be funny for Goodell to send him about five faxes — yes, your’e reinstated … no, you’re not … yes, go ahead … no, I changed my mind … your rights have been sold to the Calgary Stampeders — meet to mess with his head.
But Brett Favre, reporting to practice on Friday! I understand there may be pictures!
Packers Float $20 million Offer To Keep Favre Retired [Green Bay Press-Gazette]
Green Bay Has 2 Choices: Release Or Trade Favre [NBCSports]
Source: feeds.gawker.com
Manny To Dodgers, Bay To Red Sox, Little People To Pirates … Mass Hysteria [Manny Ramirez]
Only trade deadline period can attain the Intertubes blow up at 4:30 p.m. in the afternoon. Well, unless Heath Ledger dies. Anyway, Jon Heyman’s got it: Manny Ramirez has been traded to the Dodgers. His trainer is Joe Torre. Muse on that.
The info are still filtering in — that is to say, Heyman is typing them up really fast — but it appears Jason Bay is feat to the Red Sox and the Pirates have a bunch of people only Joe Sheehan has heard of.
MLB.com has a inconsistent report, but one suspects they’ll take that downbound soon and pretend it didn’t happen.
But yes: The Boston Red Sox have traded Manny Ramirez. It’s same acquisition that Santa Claus forfeited 300 pounds. Sure, it’s probably best for his short-term and long-term health … but man, it meet won’t feel same Santa, module it?
I’ll permit Daulerio and the gang analyze it all, but … right now, they needed someone who types really fast.
(UPDATE: The best part of Heyman’s dispatch:
The announcement module be prefabricated in union with a World Baseball Classic announcement at Dodger Stadium shortly.
Oh, yeah, I’m sure that WBC announcement’s gonna intend a aggregation of play now. “Excuse us, but before we talk about Manny, we’d same to inform you to the uniforms South peninsula module be act this year.”)
(SECOND UPDATE: Those weren’t “little people” at all: The Red Sox sent Craig Hansen and Brandon Moss to Pittsburgh. The Dodgers ship over Andy LaRoche and some guy named Bryan Morris. Doesn’t it category of seem same the Red Sox gave up a aggregation to intend rid of Manny? I assume the Dodgers are picking up Manny’s salary the rest of the assemblage … but still.)
(THIRD UPDATE: Just for the record, ESPN … despite your claims, Amy K. Nelson was not the first to report the Manny trade. It was Jon Heyman. Everyone was watching. We all undergo better.
Source: feeds.gawker.com
Come For The Olympics, Stay For The Genital Cuisine [2008 Olympics]
Since everything else seems to be censored, intrepid Aussie Garry Linnell definite to sit downbound and sample the ox, sheep, deer, and ass dongs at the finest restaurants in Beijing. Because nothing unites the concern same a nice cock sandwich. Evidently animal penises are quite the tact in Beijing. At small according to the Daily Telegraph.
Into this boiling stock go the penises. A few minutes after the first is hanging from my quivering chopsticks. Ox penis, says the waitress, is full of protein, beatific for the skin and aids longevity. And the deeper its colour, the more effective its properties.
Down the hatch it goes. The first thing you notice is the blandness. It’s fatty, slightly chewy and awkward to swallow. The next piece is unfit in chilli sauce and there is an unmediated improvement, but it still fails to blanket the ontogeny queasiness in the pit of your stomach.
Wondering which tastes the best, you sick bastards? I’ll blackball the suspense: “But the best is clearly the ass penis.” So now you know.
The period I ate penis for lunch [The Daily Telegraph]
Olympic journo dines on animal…um…parts [SportsbyBrooks]
Source: feeds.gawker.com
Tags: ncaa basketball schedule, golf cart, bbc football, disc golf, babe ruth baseball, sports illustrated, tennis, fantasy football